Unfriendly Fruits of Fashion

Dear Stereotypical Beauty Blog and Fashion Magazine,

I’m pretty fed up with the fashion advice you’re giving to us females. You know what I’m talking about… The posts and articles that compare the female body to apples and pears. The ones that claim they “will help you dress for the right shape” and “emphasize all the right areas”. If our bodies actually resembled the shape of one of these fruits, we couldn’t possibly be real humans.

And why do you automatically assume I want to accentuate anything? Why is it expected of me to make my small chest look larger and to balance it out because I have thicker, muscular thighs? I like my small chest and my thick thighs. What if I want to show them as they are and celebrate my shape as it is? A shape that is unique to me. Maybe I don’t want to give in to your “conventional” expectations of the female body. Maybe the way I dress now, without constantly stressing over “accentuating this” and “hiding that” is more healthy than thinking of my body as an object that should be constantly manipulated.

I highly doubt anyone has actually looked at another woman before and said to themself, “Wow! She looks like an apple!” Don’t get me wrong, I totally get the saying “apple bottom” because that is a great shape for an ass, but a blog post that tells you how to dress your apple figure blows my mind.

If you can confidently say that your body shape similarly resembles any of the below images, as shared on another fashion blog (no names mentioned because I’m not a mean girl) then you may have a strong  argument against this post. But I seriously hope you view your body shape in a more positive light.

Reading any sort of post that tells me the best ways to dress for my body makes me cringe. Especially when the authors throws in the most basic photo of a wrap dress I wouldn’t be caught dead in. No, beauty guru! I will not wear ugly wrap dresses everyday for the rest of my life in hopes of meeting your silly standards for body shape!

Fruit rotts, hour glasses run out of time and triangles, well.. don’t do much of anything. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re a triangle, apple or an hourglass. You’re no shape or inanimate object. You’re a human and your body is incomparable to all of the things far less real and beautiful, especially items that can be found at your grocery store.

So Beauty Blog and Fashion Magazine, you’ve been a long time friend of mine, but it’s time you stop falling into dated trends and start telling me something of greater value. I want meaningful, current content, that doesn’t objectify my female anatomy and advice that wasn’t told to all the housewives of the 1920’s.

And if you’re going to continue to compare my body shape to a piece of fruit, I sure as hell better be organic. Because that will help make what you’re doing a little more healthy.

With Love,

Halpy