The Do’s and Dont’s of Dating Apps

if you just joined bumble or are like me and have been letting your mom play for you, then it’s important to note that there are specific reasons as to why you’re more inclined to swipe in a specific direction. It’s science. And although I’m no scientist, I’ve done my fair amount of research. So, I gladly pass the baton in hopes of helping you stand out from the swarm of bees. I’d say fish but this online dating thing isn’t always as pleasant as swimming in the sea. (FYI- my mom is only allowed to play if my dad is not sitting next to her. Because he swipes right thinking he’s looking through the profile pictures and has in turn set me up for some very uncomfortable matches. Sorry Fellas, it was Glenn’s fault.)

The Do’s:

  • Take advantage of every opportunity. Add as many photos as you’re allowed to your profile. Provide as much evidence as possible that you don’t just look good from one angle. Maximize your photos to really show your personality without compromising on the amount of face you’re flaunting.
  • Add in your Insta handle for further credibility and to allow the bee’s to explore your “hive” a little bit more in depth. This may also help your matches feel more comfortable meeting you in person because it helps them get a better understanding of who you are. If your Insta game isn’t great- Twitter, Tumblr, LinkedIn, a website or blog are all great alternatives.
  • Write a little something, something that’s unique and witty without giving too much away. No one on Bumble wants to know how many kids you’d like to have. But they do want to know you have a personality.

sanford

Be like, Sanford. He uses a nice and simple caption comparing love to Mexican food. Guacamole and love are two of my favorite things.

josh

Or be like Josh. He’s funny, creative and still manages to tell us some important information that will be very helpful in our swiping decision. Plus, it’s clear that he’s got great taste in women.

  • Guys have just as much of an obligation to respond in a timely manner. Instead of putting it off because you changed your mind select “un-match” to make it look like nothing ever happened. Similarly to how it would have been in real life after too much tequila.
  • Commit to the Conversation. Conversations that start with the generic “Hey, how are you?” are more prone to experiencing a premature death. But give the match a chance! Aziz Ansari’s book “Modern Romance” is all about not giving people the chance to show us who they really are due to the endless amount of options we believe we have. We’ve become so picky in this process that the bumble babes are forced to make each opening statement as impressive as the opening line from the Golden Globes. And no one’s as funny as Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. But taking on this mentality won’t ever encourage us to meet people we may actually have a connection with. For some, sparking up some decent conversation takes a little warming up! Help a sista out!

Bo

YAS! Bo knows.

bumble 1

 Unfortunately, Max has yet to figure this out.

The Don’ts:

  • Don’t falsify information in your profile. This includes your age, location and height. It only makes this process more labor intensive and grueling to meet someone who ends up not being who they said they were.
  • Don’t EVER type “Just looking for a good time ;)”. It’s just plain creepy.
  • Don’t just post group photos! Heck- I’d even suggest one group photo is the absolute max! I know it’s nice to show that you have friends, but this will only hurt you in the end. One of the most relevant pros to app dating is the speed of the process. With every group photo, you tack on the seconds it takes for us to decipher which guy or girl in the group you are and may ultimately be the reason we swipe left.
  • Don’t use or send messages or photos you wouldn’t want your boss or parents to see. I can’t believe I have to include that. But unfortunately, it happens way more often than one would hope.
  • Lastly, don’t follow any of the examples below:

charlie

LOL ok Charlie. Easy! But he’s got a point. If you’re looking specifically for a sugar daddy, I believe you’d prefer the App “SugarD”. And yes, I just Googled “apps for sugar babies” to find that for you. 

chris.jpg

Oh no Chris. Haven’t you ever heard that it’s bad form to bring up politics even before the first date? Just NO. Using “C U Next Tuesday” is a perfect excuse to click that big old “Block & Report” button. Let’s try to keep it classier than Chris, folks.

bumble

Richard, I don’t mean to be “weird about it” but looking for friends and looking for a polygamous person are completely different ball parks. The way that this is written doesn’t really leave me with any other choice than to be weird about it.

And because I refuse to end on a negative note, here are a few more entertaining “Info” examples:

Jann.jpg

Jann, you are wise beyond your 30 years. At least I’d think so.

eric.jpg

Haha! Ok Eric. Nice little Anchorman action. 

andreww

It’s clear that William is very deep and emotional. Of course he’s from Brooklyn.  You read poetry and contemplate the existential quantification of human nature with someone like William. Over Kombucha. 

greg.jpg

Solid wedding date (check). Domesticated (check). Not to mention, folding a fitted sheet might as well be an act on Broadway because that sheet is straight confusing. But the cougar thing is kind of weird. ::Swipes left::

andrew

Andrew is unique and adventurous. Gotta give him some credit. Some beanie babies are worth small fortunes these days. As long as you invested in the protective tag covers. 

Don’t take these dating apps too seriously. Although they are a great way to meet new people, if the relationship has any legs, the conversation won’t remain in the app for too long. 

App dating may seem easy but you need to be willing to meet your matches and make real life connections. I don’t believe it’s possible to fall in love in cyberspace. So put yourself out there and make yourself super uncomfortable! Heck, that’s the only way we learn to cope with challenging situations. The awkwardness should wear off pretty quickly. And if it doesn’t, excuse yourself and try again.

Just don’t bumble while walking because you may end up walking right past your soul mate.